My New Book

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Imagine the creativity within ...

Imagination Fails to Impress upon Ideas Of Creativity...
Creativity plays hide and seek with imagination...

The greatest mismatch!The round peg in the square hole!The wrong sword in the scabbard.Still they are very much connected.By a thread so loosely woven that the cloth is almost threadbare.I dream,I imagine,I pour my heart out on paper.But what`s the level of grain that these two sheets share & are able to rub upon each other?
         When I think about the immense possibilities that my mind throws at me & when I am circumspect of my senses,be it vision,touch or auditory ,I am deceived.The unhinged collusion is automatic & it culminates into an beautiful hypnotic chimera.

     Creativity fills my heart!It dominates my vision and transcends my sense of time.The srewing of nut makes me to look beyond the mundane rotation and draws my eyes towards the markings and how they move and accept each other`s presence.In a fishbowl,I seldom see the creatures rebounding off the glass walls but the transparent pasting of the picture onto the backwall excites me.
       The flux of the indifferent field of creativity makes the diodes of my hands manoeuver the pencil to create one magnum opus after other,also lets me unleash the gravity of a hammer on the anvil,also let my hand release the accelerator in the nick of time to avoid the incoming road dasher.
                   Seeing the beauty & precision in the burn marks or the scars berefts me of the desire to chase away beauty in its crude form.Also the culture I have been exposed to impinges on my creativity and it frees me in another way thus rendering me to let go of myself.Retrenching from the norms in a way feeds the burner of creativity like a high temp ethanol.The fuel of the satisfaction in drawing set stares & awes in amazement from the other set of retinas gets the word ordinary being reduced to flotsam.The jetlag of being outflown by others in the rat race demand a jacuzzi of creativity with oils and fragrances of imaginative ideas.
Books give you ideas that you have already promulgated or about to in the future.The book instilled in your eyes dosen`t have any topics to boot,it is purely ephemeral in context and size.The bookmarks are the only concrete roadmarkers in an otherwise indiscernible life journey.
     The jargons clutter our creativity and reduce our mindframe to a paltry dictionary of heavy words bombarded from outside,where as the way should be the inwardly out starting with the simple idea that fissions out to become a creative mcbeth.
    Time isnt a constraint in being an imaginative and creative person.Time itself is creative notwithstanding the popular belief that it is monotonous.It races past when your creative glands are on work and it snails when you are becoming stagnant and unproductive.I also try to be creative in practising religion.While meditating,I imagine that I have become thoughtless.And my creativity and imagination safely locked in a safe and chained away to be throwned deep down in the darkest nook of the mariana trench.

Be creative ...Add spice to your life ..
Be imaginative may not afterall be so real ...
 But if you cant just be yourself ..

Friday, June 18, 2010

Listen To What The Vuvuzela Says..

Are we listening to the Game?

The realistic Oxymoron of Fair IPL auctions;the unrealistic oxymoron of cash rich hockey team;the fantasy of some olympic medals;the hullaballo over foreign teams playing in the FIFA world cup.
                 Some of the things that are dominant in the minds and times of a average sportsman when he thinks about sports in INDIA.The advent of corporates in the sports arena has set the cash counters tingling ,but it has also brought the snake of corruption with its fangs, slithering and stalking.
            The IPL is rapidly becoming a graveyard for pure cricket.The cricket ball instead of being hitted out of the park by a batsman finds itself swinging reverse between the warring factions of the indian cricket board in a game that more resembles a musical chair.But what is the problem that has plagued the concept?what has got into the mind of the owner of the golden goose?Is he going to kill the IPL..He has almost done it.
     The Problem with IPL is the inordinate amount of money involved.The problem of IPL is the mix of politicians in the cricketing circles,and the spreading of the cricketing virus amongst the political gentry.The IPL auctions were recently under the scanner as well as the ownership of some of the teams.But how and why all issues burst into prominance at the opportune time ?Its like that the master now dont anymore require the sevices of his servant and hence he is sacrificed.The layers of the corruptions if so deep and so very meticulous begs the question of the sanctity of all those involved in the concept from hair tip to the tooth nail.Some billions spent over a team purchase had many eyes rolling ,and then just after 2 editions some billions spent on just one player who hasnt played even test cricket had free heads lolling also.However the problem is not the money or the dearth/Excess of it.The problem is the way that the greenback has taken over the red cherry in the central discussion about the game.The distress signal that the game is getting is far more worrisome from the cracks now visible in the administrator`s boat.
                Mr Modi,tharoor,pawar,etc ...,are you all listening !!"

At the Diagramatically opposite point on the circle of money and fame sits our hockey team.It seems that the national game has been jinxed.Many a times it happens that the team performs well,wins a trophy,after much protest and strife gets a good sponser and then again slips into the loosing manhole.The cat and mouse game between the money and performance in hockey would have even got Lord disney interested in another series of tom and jerry.Recently the team won the sultan azlan shah cup ,though jointly but is a great achievement.The win however pales in the disappointment of not making it to olympics.What i feel can be done to spark interest in the game of hockey now so very dominated by europians is allow the subcontinent nations to have the grass pitches.On the lines of cricket,let the home country decide whether they want an astro turf or not.A far shot ,but atleast it would be a spark in an otherwise controversy ridden and breaureaucracy stricken game of hockey.
               "Mr Gill,Are you listening !!"

 Now since the time abhinav bindra won that Au medal,the only times i hear him in the news is the rift that the shooting fraternity and himself are involved in.The way we treat our champions is indeed very pathetically different.It seems that to secure that elusive medal,the players need to be prepared all by themselves ,hire a foreign coach,get the kits by themselves,and worst of all owning to complete lack of support also they have to be self motivated.We love to drown our heroes in anonymity it seems.The medals are just a testimony to an athletes hard work of years.So instead of reserving money to shower it after a poor athlete wins a unexpected medal,spend it on the support our athletes need.(atleast they are not playing with injuries and arent overweight!!)

              "Mr Kalmadi,Are you listening!!"

        And Now is the turn of the FIFA.Apart from the usual and the daily clamour over the vuvuzela and the jabulani,the celebrations are as riveting and moving as they could be.But it pains me to not being able to root for a indian football team.The movie GOAL actually spreads the idea,as pathetic the movie was ,worst is the state of the beautiful game in the country.Why cant our bhangra match with the brazilian samba? why cant our innate conservatism be of the same quality as german defence? Why cant a messi dazzle be seen in the feet of a local bhutia or vijayan?
 Sure we can play the beautiful game beautifully,just need to get that jabulani out of its holder and learn to control it better than the foreigners and also for the fans:learn to honk the vuvuvzela..the opposition players might not like it!!
                "Soccer Fans,Are you listening!!"

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My Tete-A-Tete With God....

Knock Knock!!!

"You there?"
"But since when, i didnt notice you!"
"Long time,u seemed to skip me these days alot."
"Good that you are here,i could use some help."
"I know, you only call me when u r in trouble..."
"leave jest aside! you know me."
"No! I dont!"
"Is it so difficult?'
"You are none better than a UFO"
"HAHAHAHA,So you have finally bought some sense of humour,good going"
"Are you kidding me?"
"How can i?"
"Should i show you the history of my journey? you have always kid me and yourself.."
"Search yourself"
"how can i?"
"why should i teach you ?"
"since when you have started to ask for something in return ?"
"Calling you by your name is a pain"
"why? my mother calls me just as i am "
"she is priveleged!And i am confused!!"
"I wish we could swap places..."
"The grass is not green this side,though something else is.."
"Leave that,ask away will feel better.."
"I have never spread my hands in front of anybody .."
"I know,you have always given..but wont you give alms to yourself too?"
"A such time will come,but till then aid me .."
"You always misunderstood me!"
"I doubt that little observation of yours!"
"Why then you always crib about my ways?"
"Because i know that there are better ways..."

Silence ensues...

"so,what have you thought?"
"Dont you know it ..?"
"I can pretend if you want me to.."
"Okay ,time out ..tell me what you want..and then we can go our ways .."
"We can never be yourself the effort ...still i want you..."
"Till the end of my times...?"
"You got it !!"

More deafening silence...

"I prayed for you today.."
"Why?finally pitied on me ?"
"No,i thought i would save you the blushes..."
"Hahaha ..very funny indeed.."
"And ya you are someone to be pitied,but not someone who is pitiable"
"Why you speak in tounge which bites and kisses the same instant"?
"Thats me ,take it or leave it .."
"Dont barter with me wont find another buyer...the thing belongs to me only neways."
"But i can sever the pact..."
"Do it..."

Sudden blast of moonlight interrupts...

"Isnt it beautiful..?"
"Yes,but thats not the only thing which is .."
"Your intentions are noble,but execution pathetic ...still you deserve better.."
"Where is this conversation heading ?"
"To us!!!"

An asteroid disturbs the train of thought...

"Hey!I am like you!"
"Big deal!!"
"Why discourage me to becoming like you,i learn so much from you ..."
"Dont be a daft!! atleast ape someone better!!"
"How do we converse?'
"What sort of question is that? obviously through heart..."
"Good,and since your heart and mine are one ...i am you .."
"Incorrect analogy !!!,since your heart and mine are one ...I am you.."
"What difference does it make ?"

Flying on the back of a shooting star...

"Pardon my wrong deeds!"
"Why ask me at all ..?"
"I dont want to go to altar .."
"As if you would be forced..huh.."
"You test my patience.."
"And you take mine.."
"Are we quits then?"
"Till the next time atleast ..yes .."
"Hey!!That was easy..."

A time warp speeds the discussion forward....

"So,having fun?"
"I so very like the fun part..."
"Its very much like the first time we met"
"True,but i wont testify the time and place.."
"Honestly,your disposition offends me to the hilt."
"Why is the above thing a first between you and me.."
"Its been repeated since ages..."
"Hang on ..u never told me this.."
"U never asked !!"
"U never gave me a chance.."
"U never took it..."
"Where is this discussion heading towards...?"
"I think we are tending towards us ..."
"The unity?"
"No...the ONE"
"Ok..Cool...But do it fast ..."
"I am restless..."
"Dont be..I will spread the word .."

A solar Flare creates a nuisance.....

"Was it not you i first saw?
"Yes,it was the same for me .."
"Hows that possible?"
"I dont know"
"Then who knows"
"Your guess is as good as mine.."
"Ya,isnt it?"
"Tell me the meaning of are in better position to tell me .."
"I thought you were better placed to answer.."
"I am only a..."
"And ya ...As if i am anything else than ..."
"According to me ,life is ..."
"And according to me it is ..."

A black hole eats the rest of the conversation.....

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Day I Got Literally Elevated....

"Vaishnodevi Sojourn"

Jai Mata Di!!!
The cry that fills every heart with prayers and sanctity was coming from every direction.The air was laden with waft of sweet divinity.The believers were singing,dancing and chanting in sync with their climbing feet.I was in trance.I was in awe.Never before my mind felt this milndlessness.I was experincing bliss.
                       It all started when i recieved a phone call from my brother.He asked(actually told me!!)me to come to delhi for a trip to the sacred mountain of Mata Vaishnodevi which he had planned alongwith his three other friends.And I set sail.Catching the train to delhi was the first task,so after that i was left with the task of finding my brother`s new dwelling place.As i didnt had any google maps or GPS with me,and the rickshawallah knew the place as good as me,it took me a good 1-1.5 hours more than it should have to dump the load on my back.
      After a sumptous meal and a refreshing bath in the afternoon,my well fed stomach ordered my mind to close my eyelids.In the evening all set to go,we fed our rucksacks.The auto took us to the railway station where we met up with our other Co-yatramen.A first class AC coach which was anything but like an AC coach took me into its arms and lullaby`ed  me into a soundless sleep.
          Morning dawned ,and with that last sip of the tea from the papercup,we took off to find our next carrier.Having being welcomed by an unexpected sweltering heat in Jammu,we were hoping for a better show in katra,the next stop wheerwe were headed to.Having boarded a bus to katra,the vaishnodevi sojourn now was on road.
      The flying past visions truly spellbounding,I ignored the heat,I shook off the growing oscitances.The eyes now could see in the distance the summit wherein lies the heavenly abode.Bus journey over,we afforded ourselves a hotel where after getting fresh,we had a nice luncheon.The call of the "Bhakti" made us start our trekking a little earlier.
              The travails of travel not visible,we started our hiking in much high spirit.With some checkpoints halting our march,we fled past the calling by- street vendors.The circuitous sidehill road took us past several shops ,some selling music,some mountain delicacies,some the paraphernalia people take to the temple like bandanas,sweets,framed photos of the deities,ringlets...the whole atmosphere was rife with a ingrained frenzy.
 The mules carrying the incapable and braving those who wont take the toils and moils racing past,their masters caning them for being slow,groups of people going together briskly walking and singing peaens,old ladies braving aching leg,the sadhus draped in all saffron and sporting a beard worthy of years of meditation..all of these add to the majestic atmosphere.But the appetizers were just whetting my apetite.I knew the real meal is up there,atop the jagged cliff of the noble mountain.
                              The weather was in no mood to relent though,the sun making dangerous faces was making us drink more and more water.My hike was getting laborious.I was the black duck.I was hampering the progress of our group.Constantly puffing,coughing and panting ,I was sapped by the heat rays and the humidity.But still my mind was in the right place.I struggled to keep the pace with the rest of my pack and was soon lagging behind.
                      The pain was instant.The creature still clinging to my tshirt.The sting bore deep in my skin.I was just bee stung 3 seconds ago.A warrior bee like a torpedo fired towards me,came from a sweet shop and ahoy suddenly i felt an injection of searing heat.I took out the bee tough,now a spent force with its sting being half broken and the half now residing peacefully within me was a creature to be pitied.Neways,as this happened i got too much behind and got a crocin and some water as a punishment.
                            It seems the bee has afterall been a nice omen.The weather suddenly improved in leaps and bounds.Rain started to pour,washing away all of our tiredness and ofcourse my chest pain and gave our journey a new philip.As i was drooling over the prospect of improved weather with a cup of tea to boast,i suddenly realised that my backpack was too heavy and shouldnt have brought this much of luggage with us.As the trek got higher,the surroundings turned foggier,the crowd thinner some languishing some ahead,my legs turned to logs demanding my foot to pound more to carry them.Meanwhile we laughed our way,with each of us taking dig at each other`s pace.Challenge it seems transcends every pain.The visage of the mountain now had a snowy tinge to it.We were just about to reach our first destination.I realised that very day how my stamina has depleted over the years,i rued the computer games,i rued the studies.
The light shone!The resplendence unmistakable.The concourse teeming with every passing second,the enroute to the main shrine now had the look of beeline.Started by taking a holy bath,we waited in the queue for good part of 3-4 hours.Then we were free.Free to go and wash our karmas.The all pardonable ,the all alms giver,the evil decimator,the all wish fulfilling vaishnodevi Maa was calling our hearts.Only a glimpse!Only a flash!,thats what i got to see of the sacred shrine.The three natural stones depicting three Devis.But was worth it.Every second of it.

               I kind of missing some details here,but i think we ate something before we moved ahead.And then the conundrum.Whether to go down to rest and sleep which we all needed badly enough or muster a bit more of our energy for the hike to Bhairon`s Shrine.Interesting story is the bhaironath`s,one which i watched in a movie and to my surprise the same movie was played everywhere.According to some well preserved legends,the trip to the vaishnodevi shrine is understood incomplete if you miss to pay homage to the vaishnodevi blessed bhaironath resting place.And who were we to question the authenticity of  legends? So we took the call in vertical direction.
            Still a good 1-2 hours upward steep climb remaining,we were trying out new tricks to save energy.Coulndt stop also,as some wise men said if you stop you would never be able to get up.So had to keep moving.Tried walking backwards to rest my hind legs.Nearly got tipped off the cliff in doing so,i received a rap on my knuckles from my elder brother.Ably supporting me,he carried my backpack for me seeing me bee stung and all.And after a back breaking,leg shaking ascent we were atop the resting place of baba bhaironath.
                       Didnt took us much long to start our descend.The mind was feebly awake to the pain in the legs.The heart was heavy with divinity.Two options of decent were with us:stairs or the circumventing road.The path didnt matter though.The road that goes to the ultraconscious mind was already underway.Just putting one feet after another that too unconsciously and letting the cool breeze carass the hair,having the sweet smell of sweets fill the nostrils,having the ears being driven in ecstacy by the sounds of the bells being rung,the hymns resonating driving the mind to soundless sopor....All of it was so surreal.
      And then something real cracked in the heavens,and they poured!It started raining bells and whistles(cats and dogs arent apt here).And we scurried for shelter.The poor mules and horses got a big reprieve.People in scores got under the shelter tailor made for such a natural fury.As they say ,be careful what you wish for...god have a tendency of giving out in nimiety.
   Even the heathens would agree that the place had an aura.Even when you are just sitting idly waiting for the rain gods to finish their uploading,the prayers kept coming.Prayers of lacks and crores of individuals have taken the place of microbes in the air.And the familiarity to godliness wasnt endemic to only this holy shrine.They say that the entire region is blessed.I was left with several wishes.People come here with prayers,wishlists to be granted by the almighty.But suddenly and surprisingly i realised i didnt wished for anything.Infact i was leaving the place with a bagful of more wishes,more contentment,more peace.The prasad that we got with ourselves was something that was testimony to the celebrations that took place that day.Celebration in our hearts!

     All these thoughts criss crossed my mind as we finally arrived down .I thought all my life we have been making a mountain out of a molehil.The things we strive for,the things we kill for,the things we put our heart and soul for...viz money,women(men for women!),fame,comfort,power...are such petty and inconsequential materialistic pursuits...they dwarf in comparison to one alit heart!

The heart that is alit is tantamount to thousand  pilgrimages....

PS: visit the holy shrine if u havent at Peace..Jai Mata Di!!!

Friday, June 11, 2010

InCoNgRuOs InErTiA...

What if i am powerless to write a blog ?

The day my hands are hacked off,the day my eyes are impaled,the day my brain is addled...that day i wont be able to write anymore.

What a beautiful nightmare that would be.Only that i am not the one on the good books here.I would stare in the abyssmal depths of my incongruous mind that would never return the favour.My thoughts though will be there somewhere playing hide n seek with me,luring me to have them escribed.But that condition would be bliss.No expectations,no anticipations,no feedbacks...just me and only me.
  The Shangri-La of my dreams constitutes of a place where everything is understood,my emotions,my desires and are expeditiously fulfilled.No praying to a higher force,no cribbing about luck,no fueding with wrongdoers,the only thing one would be doing is revel.The Pair of pennons when flapped would take you soaring to the acme.The earth`s crust immense heat would tingle you.A wonderla when comes to you unsolicited,you wont do anything.
                       United thoughts,undifferentiated efforts,seamless acts that would transcend the ordinary are ingrained in having no life.
Life itself spells trouble.
E-> Expectations
       Lifeless forms are the happiest.Or rather are non-existent to be bothered about it.I wonder if i happen to be able to talk to a mountain,home to myriad species of life forms,what is would resonate in its thoughts?Agnoy on being standing still since ages?Pain at bearing so much on its countenance?Anger at being forced to spit fury from time to time?
Or it would be a blank sheet?An understood emotion?And how would i feel to be made a star which just shines?Our outward thought process is governed by the intake of emotions from outside.Just imagine if nobody had told us what is the meaning of victory.When we would have understood the term from.The power to feel,care and reciprocate if completely taken from you would just make you the most powerful.Its a paradox!Those who seek power are the ones who dont have it.Those who seek love are the ones who are kept deprived ofit.Those who spend their lifetimes trying to earn more are those who dont know the power of 1 rupee well spent.We are at a great disadvantage.God tricked us.He made us only human.
             But as i was saying if i was given a privilege of getting rid of all my 5/6/7 senses(god knows how many i have!),i would not be able to write.That can be a good news for many readers who would be spared of my clappertrap.I sincerely believe in simplicity,the lesser complexity,the better.The lesser number of thoughts going around the better.I would appreciate if there`s a chip that formats my brains memory of all the garbage details.
                  I wonder why i run away from me.Something about me is decaying.That must be the feeling that overpowers the female fraternity when decide to take a hike instead and miss me.Though i am aware of my troubles,i am most reluctant to make an effort to solve them.But there are anchors.They hold me,they make me stay afloat,they keep me sane.
               What power i wield ?My hands are not my servants.They have mind of their own.They write when they feel,they speed over the QWERTY,they flourish through the paragraphs.I dont have any hold over my senses,its the other way around.With additional amputations my power wont diminish,it cant.But what i can get is freedom from the liability of having to fake the power.
                   I never learned the art of becoming a fierce competitor.Just watered down player may be but never a threat,never an opposition to be counted.I have denied myself.And others.But as this blog is going haywire and is ideal time for closing it,i declare closing of the chapter of conservatism of my life.                      


Future is not only bright...its going for a supernova ..

A brief future of my time..

I like all people out there crave for success.I would like to bask in the glory light.I would love to be adored,appreciated and ofcourse loved.A very simple thought alias wish.But if i am striving for these things to materialise,at the same time a polarised force is in constant motion to negate my moves.Even if we are running a race that is on the different tracks,my nemesis has the power to render me diffident while i chase down the horse of success.
                       Chasing this white horse is a task hitherto pursued by many,but a few have been able to maintain their energy reserves for the length of the track covered by this quadruped.And whats worse is that once you get hold of this beast,it is never in the mood to be tamed.constantly hinning,rejecting your advances,it stamps its foot on your carrassing hand,it shakes off your climbing legs.The bad part is to know how to tame it.Contarary to popular belief ,nobody can be taught how to do it.That is because every horse is custom made and requires your sheer willpower to goad it to submit.The worse is yet to come ,success once tamed needs to be harnessed in the most appropriate manner.If the fastings are incorrect(read your morals and thoughts),the restrains a little too tight or light,you can fall from your seat of honour.The beast wont stop!
                  I dont want to taper off.I dont want to be weared down.The last thing i want is to be sitting idle waiting for that plug to be pulled.But the dices arent being fair to me.They are loaded with my preconcieved notions,my traditionalities,my disbeliefs.The future might want to carry me with speed of light,but i am still lagging in boarding the time machine.The first move has to be from my side.I will make the first move.
                 In my kindergarten days,i dreamt of becoming a soldier.A childhood gun fetish made that choice easy i suppose.Guns Became smaller progressively and soon was reduced to a pen.sports caught my imgination for period,but then again the handle of the cricket bat lost its grip to the grip of a fountain pen.Education ruined me.Otherwise i too would have made it to heaven with my brethren at dantewada or kashmir.
                                 What i want to do?The question has bugged me for a eternity.Everyday some self introspection is in order.Have i got myself into a mess by taking engineering as a career choice,a path i knew nothing of and wasnt sure till i got the job what i wanted to do with it?
                             When i look at my future,i see a light beckoning me.Thats the faint outline of man`s silent companion known in our heart as Hope.Several threads of thoughts come to my mind when hope feeds the yarn-ball of positive inspiration.Day in Day out,hope tricks me ,sometimes it vanishes for a luncheon,sometimes it sits with me and babysits me,sometimes it psychiatrist me into oblivion and other times it deserts me and i find myself parched in the desert of my unfullfilled desires.Waxing and Waning,this bullwhip effect of life wants me to unleash my deepest and darkest energy reserves.
                       Several imaginations and creative flashes pay a visit to my grey matter daily but due to dearth of any anchor to harpoon them,the ship sails on in the waters of uncertainity.But After "Viente y Cinco Anos",i think i am given another life term.Its like getting another jail term without parole but atleast in this term i know for what crime i am convicted for! I am slowly geeting hold of my sane screws and tightning them with the seemingly 'Gone For A Burton' ideas and revelations about self.
                  As for my future,i hold only myself responsible and accountable.Though life is a congeries of several actions,emotions and tribulations,its we who are ,in the end, at the end of the stick.It would be classified as a solecism if i blame someone else for the rocking of my boat.Jactitation is a very bad idea,especially for someone like me,so i prefer to oppugn my position as the beholder of my achievements.
                                  The parturient mind languishes in the pain.The ideas spew forth.Defalcating the emotions of others to tend the lacuna of fulminating emotions in self is a fallacy i want to obliterate.The aggression in pursuing the solutions should be sparked from within,though over the years i have learned the art of having a facade that gives nothing away,one would want to have that vent rather than simmering thoughts reducing your demeanour to chips and cracks.
               Several things i want to do in life.Some sane ,some not so sane.I am going against my grain,going against my usual veil of secrecy to reveal those things ,first to myself and also to others.And the pleasure i am getting here is like having being released on an anticipatory bail.I want to scale Everest: well thats like a pinnacle of adventure and has been calling out to me since ages.I want to save a life:Just to please the side hero in me,waiting to be counted.I want to have my family take the world tour with me:Atleast for a year i think!
I want to caress the lions and feed a comodo;i want to let an anaconda slip its grip on me;i want to ride that rhino and tame that elephant;i want to soar with that eagle and want to watch that horizon from the treetops like a lemur:Speaks volumes about my nature and animal love now isnt it!
                                       Gazing with a telescope into the future tells me vivid things,some certain some dicy.Gazing back at the past from the other end of the same telescope gives me flashes and images of my past,both good and bad,but i cant remember it all.So the learning is:: Its only the present you can be certain about as well as can remember,so make the present your dream holiday home.
              "Learn from the mistakes of the past,Gaze and dream about the future,albeit with a clear conscience and steady nurturing of present"

Sunday, June 6, 2010

A Philosophical Soup For The Soul...

Selling my soul to myself and then haggling over the price....

"I wont buy",saying this i move forward!
 The shadow runs after me, offering a better barter.But i dont budge.I cajole him further to release his Purse-strings further.And finally he concedes to my ploy.As he pulls me back,i sense my blood cells doing a victory march and saluting my shrewedness by having the pilous stand up in unison.
                           The realisation that i have just duped myself doesnt even cross my two thinking hemispheres.This is a iterative process,a Recursive function wherein your mind thinks that it has outwitted itself,whereas the truth is that it has been outwitted by itself.The paradox doesnt solve itself,but instead it grows on you.
                              Taking the liberty of Sphinxing myself,my whole persona embodied in a creature yet undiscovered,i see the trickery that forms the core of every organ and every cell of my running crimson fluid.My heart cheats my brain,my brain does a double take on my heart,my legs lie to my back and my back pains in retaliation.The whole system, the entire magnus opus is crooked,jinxed.Yet it runs smoothly.Such are the times.
                        I sell my soul! At every possible nook and corner.The return i get is a tarnished part of my soul.Day in and day out it withers,it wears out.I didnt ask the expiry date of the latest medicine i bought last but i should have asked it for the supposedly innate panacea.The form of life that we become over the time distances our soul from itself, a mere spectre of its former self,a mirage,a diluted reflection, our soul thins by the day.We can feel the reverberations when we call out to our soul,it is so far off,we have left it behind,somewhere in the dungeons of time.
           They say human body is a machine,i say it is a business.Wherein the players work in unison for the sole purpose of survival.Corruption rife,the powerless give way to the wielders.I see my soul chained.In all directions.It cannot free itself of the restrains unless the restrains choose to do so.Stretched in countless vectors,it hangs on and passes us a trick image of its well being.The guile is good.The veil opaque.We cant see the hidden intent,but we trudge along.I find myself master and the slave of myself at the same time,possibly seperated my the smallest unit of trickery.The modes keep me mutated yet sane.The feeble voice of the whistleblower doesnt reach my eardrums,i have programmed it to be routed to my voicemail.With the voicemail account becoming ancient,piles of files of unresolved issues fill up the cabinets of my darkest secrets.But i have lost the key to that cupboard.Maybe on purpose!!
       The sage within me craves for salvation,the crook demands easy money,the lazy lad despises hardships and the wise one wants just a smile.If i hire a marketing manager from a decent B school(IIMs are not in budget,say IIFT :P),to capture every needs,wants and desires of my soul of just a single day,i would fail to pay him enough and on second thoughts,he might refuse the job profile himself seeing the utter insane nature of my wish list.For the most part of my life i see back i telescope a person with no vision.Just a blank boy!Just a bland boy!
                 With no harms my way,i choose to run along the sidewalk,the road kept calling to me.The wings flapped, enticing me!The eyes sending love bytes to me,but alas my downloader wasnt installed.My risk taking glands dysfunctional,i never went down the lane of uncertainity.Playing safe is my Achilles Heel.I wait for a Hector to instigate the lost gambler.Sometimes i feel like a random number generator.I beg to be absolved of this business,I cringe at the sight of my soul and then i also rebel,i hurl vindictives towards all and sundry for making me the person i have become.Its like a Split personality syndrome.
         My mouth though a tad silent,my heart a little less expressive,my brain a little less showoff,my legs maybe somewhat lazy levers,all of these are under my control.But the main question is,am i in control of myself?The macrocosm that is governing the microcosm within is dangling the strings.I am not the culprit.Ask the person who hardwires everyone`s destiny what he was upto when he wrote the XML for my life.
                          Don`t blame me !! I am forced to sell my soul!! I am forced to partake my soul as my feast!!
                      And that too on discount!!! How lame....        

Random Musings...