Selling my soul to myself and then haggling over the price....
"I wont buy",saying this i move forward!
The shadow runs after me, offering a better barter.But i dont budge.I cajole him further to release his Purse-strings further.And finally he concedes to my ploy.As he pulls me back,i sense my blood cells doing a victory march and saluting my shrewedness by having the pilous stand up in unison.
The realisation that i have just duped myself doesnt even cross my two thinking hemispheres.This is a iterative process,a Recursive function wherein your mind thinks that it has outwitted itself,whereas the truth is that it has been outwitted by itself.The paradox doesnt solve itself,but instead it grows on you.
Taking the liberty of Sphinxing myself,my whole persona embodied in a creature yet undiscovered,i see the trickery that forms the core of every organ and every cell of my running crimson fluid.My heart cheats my brain,my brain does a double take on my heart,my legs lie to my back and my back pains in retaliation.The whole system, the entire magnus opus is crooked,jinxed.Yet it runs smoothly.Such are the times.
I sell my soul! At every possible nook and corner.The return i get is a tarnished part of my soul.Day in and day out it withers,it wears out.I didnt ask the expiry date of the latest medicine i bought last but i should have asked it for the supposedly innate panacea.The form of life that we become over the time distances our soul from itself, a mere spectre of its former self,a mirage,a diluted reflection, our soul thins by the day.We can feel the reverberations when we call out to our soul,it is so far off,we have left it behind,somewhere in the dungeons of time.
They say human body is a machine,i say it is a business.Wherein the players work in unison for the sole purpose of survival.Corruption rife,the powerless give way to the wielders.I see my soul chained.In all directions.It cannot free itself of the restrains unless the restrains choose to do so.Stretched in countless vectors,it hangs on and passes us a trick image of its well being.The guile is good.The veil opaque.We cant see the hidden intent,but we trudge along.I find myself master and the slave of myself at the same time,possibly seperated my the smallest unit of trickery.The modes keep me mutated yet sane.The feeble voice of the whistleblower doesnt reach my eardrums,i have programmed it to be routed to my voicemail.With the voicemail account becoming ancient,piles of files of unresolved issues fill up the cabinets of my darkest secrets.But i have lost the key to that cupboard.Maybe on purpose!!
The sage within me craves for salvation,the crook demands easy money,the lazy lad despises hardships and the wise one wants just a smile.If i hire a marketing manager from a decent B school(IIMs are not in budget,say IIFT :P),to capture every needs,wants and desires of my soul of just a single day,i would fail to pay him enough and on second thoughts,he might refuse the job profile himself seeing the utter insane nature of my wish list.For the most part of my life i see back i telescope a person with no vision.Just a blank boy!Just a bland boy!
With no harms my way,i choose to run along the sidewalk,the road kept calling to me.The wings flapped, enticing me!The eyes sending love bytes to me,but alas my downloader wasnt installed.My risk taking glands dysfunctional,i never went down the lane of uncertainity.Playing safe is my Achilles Heel.I wait for a Hector to instigate the lost gambler.Sometimes i feel like a random number generator.I beg to be absolved of this business,I cringe at the sight of my soul and then i also rebel,i hurl vindictives towards all and sundry for making me the person i have become.Its like a Split personality syndrome.
My mouth though a tad silent,my heart a little less expressive,my brain a little less showoff,my legs maybe somewhat lazy levers,all of these are under my control.But the main question is,am i in control of myself?The macrocosm that is governing the microcosm within is dangling the strings.I am not the culprit.Ask the person who hardwires everyone`s destiny what he was upto when he wrote the XML for my life.
Don`t blame me !! I am forced to sell my soul!! I am forced to partake my soul as my feast!!
And that too on discount!!! How lame....