After a long hiatus in which I wrote only verses, I finally get back to writing sentences again!!
A strange feeling is washing all over me. The feeling is very much similar to one experienced by a hatchling when it steps or slips over the threshold of the last straw of the nest. Though I have experienced the exodus before also, this time it is more definite, this time it is more meaningful. The calf now enters the jungle.
But come to think of it, isn’t this a hackneyed grand design? The plans, the dreams, the time we associate with few miles of earth get dissolved like a sand-art is by the next wave. And again a new place....new dreams...new abode...again the chance, the next wave, another place...another wave! But the senses as people generally perceive them to be aren’t only sensitive to what is dished out to them in present. I still remember the smells, sights & din of my last dwelling. That would stay, the cache memory of the senses would ensure that.
Am I an antagonist to change? Partly!!
Am I an synergist to stagnation? Hardly!!
I`ll be lying if I say I don’t get used to the warmth of my den. And I will be fooling myself if I believe that the next meal would come knocking on the gravel outside the den. So is it earning a living which I seek when I move away, away from the heart wrenched parents, away from the indulgence, that protective sphere? I go away so that I earn my life! I go away so that I earn that walk in the rain. I go away so that I earn those sights, those smells, those sounds which keep calling me in dreams. I go away so that I earn that tear of happiness when I return. I go away to return. Yes!!!
What do I dream? What do you dream? What we all dream?
Opulence?Satisfaction?Gratification of the senses? Ruling over millions? (Debatable whether it’s the hearts or bodies you want to rule over!!)
Frankly, I dream a mystery. I dream an adventure. That which can`t be predicted, that which is too normal to be an aberration. The mystery of life has many levels of cipher, the keystones of all can`t be at one physical or metaphorical position. Circumstances force, decisions ensure! The moving water of a river takes a pebble for a ride and sometimes it pegs it back. Blood in veins, adrenaline in body drive the wishes, fulfills the destiny.
They say plan for the future. We all plan, but based on the current parameters or worse the past ones. But the life`s variables keep changing. Accommodating future for present and accommodating present for future should go hand in hand. Sometimes it is the dreams that drive us,sometims it is the circumstances. Hindsight is always a beautiful enigmatic mistress one never gets, hence purposefully or inadvertently we move ahead. When I`ll be away, I’ll be pursuing to unlock some of the doors of the life`s labyrinth. At every step however, my mind and heart will be gnawed at by a doppelganger that worries, lacks confidence and stays in shadows. All the more reason to seek new pastures. Your egos, alter egos and all of which is worrisome about your life feeds on you staying put.
So what about leaving perturbs me? The time won’t fly there. Satan won’t rule here. Only thing that has enough south particles to attract attention from my north pole is the question 'when I`ll be back to the woods again, would I see my face in the tears of the sun and moon or would the doppelganger would come to the fore?’
The frame of reference that I`ll leave this place with as a memory won`t be the same. Not in that future moment, nor in between.Never!Only that I`ll always compare with the original, treating that as a benchmark. If anyone asks me what is the 'one' gift you want from god, I will say 'all I want after I`ve finished is a compendium of my life and times, how well or worse it went notwithstanding, I couldn`t have done better'.
"Racing is life, life is not a race!"