My New Book

Friday, June 11, 2010

InCoNgRuOs InErTiA...

What if i am powerless to write a blog ?

The day my hands are hacked off,the day my eyes are impaled,the day my brain is addled...that day i wont be able to write anymore.

What a beautiful nightmare that would be.Only that i am not the one on the good books here.I would stare in the abyssmal depths of my incongruous mind that would never return the favour.My thoughts though will be there somewhere playing hide n seek with me,luring me to have them escribed.But that condition would be bliss.No expectations,no anticipations,no feedbacks...just me and only me.
  The Shangri-La of my dreams constitutes of a place where everything is understood,my emotions,my desires and are expeditiously fulfilled.No praying to a higher force,no cribbing about luck,no fueding with wrongdoers,the only thing one would be doing is revel.The Pair of pennons when flapped would take you soaring to the acme.The earth`s crust immense heat would tingle you.A wonderla when comes to you unsolicited,you wont do anything.
                       United thoughts,undifferentiated efforts,seamless acts that would transcend the ordinary are ingrained in having no life.
Life itself spells trouble.
L->liabilities
I->injustice
F->(un)fairness
E-> Expectations
       Lifeless forms are the happiest.Or rather are non-existent to be bothered about it.I wonder if i happen to be able to talk to a mountain,home to myriad species of life forms,what is would resonate in its thoughts?Agnoy on being standing still since ages?Pain at bearing so much on its countenance?Anger at being forced to spit fury from time to time?
                  
Or it would be a blank sheet?An understood emotion?And how would i feel to be made a star which just shines?Our outward thought process is governed by the intake of emotions from outside.Just imagine if nobody had told us what is the meaning of victory.When we would have understood the term from.The power to feel,care and reciprocate if completely taken from you would just make you the most powerful.Its a paradox!Those who seek power are the ones who dont have it.Those who seek love are the ones who are kept deprived ofit.Those who spend their lifetimes trying to earn more are those who dont know the power of 1 rupee well spent.We are at a great disadvantage.God tricked us.He made us only human.
             But as i was saying if i was given a privilege of getting rid of all my 5/6/7 senses(god knows how many i have!),i would not be able to write.That can be a good news for many readers who would be spared of my clappertrap.I sincerely believe in simplicity,the lesser complexity,the better.The lesser number of thoughts going around the better.I would appreciate if there`s a chip that formats my brains memory of all the garbage details.
                  I wonder why i run away from me.Something about me is decaying.That must be the feeling that overpowers the female fraternity when decide to take a hike instead and miss me.Though i am aware of my troubles,i am most reluctant to make an effort to solve them.But there are anchors.They hold me,they make me stay afloat,they keep me sane.
               What power i wield ?My hands are not my servants.They have mind of their own.They write when they feel,they speed over the QWERTY,they flourish through the paragraphs.I dont have any hold over my senses,its the other way around.With additional amputations my power wont diminish,it cant.But what i can get is freedom from the liability of having to fake the power.
                   I never learned the art of becoming a fierce competitor.Just watered down player may be but never a threat,never an opposition to be counted.I have denied myself.And others.But as this blog is going haywire and is ideal time for closing it,i declare closing of the chapter of conservatism of my life.                      

WHEN I WILL BE POWERLESS AND THOUGHTLESS  IN THE TRUEST SENSE, I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON...            
            

Future is not only bright...its going for a supernova ..

A brief future of my time..




I like all people out there crave for success.I would like to bask in the glory light.I would love to be adored,appreciated and ofcourse loved.A very simple thought alias wish.But if i am striving for these things to materialise,at the same time a polarised force is in constant motion to negate my moves.Even if we are running a race that is on the different tracks,my nemesis has the power to render me diffident while i chase down the horse of success.
                       Chasing this white horse is a task hitherto pursued by many,but a few have been able to maintain their energy reserves for the length of the track covered by this quadruped.And whats worse is that once you get hold of this beast,it is never in the mood to be tamed.constantly hinning,rejecting your advances,it stamps its foot on your carrassing hand,it shakes off your climbing legs.The bad part is to know how to tame it.Contarary to popular belief ,nobody can be taught how to do it.That is because every horse is custom made and requires your sheer willpower to goad it to submit.The worse is yet to come ,success once tamed needs to be harnessed in the most appropriate manner.If the fastings are incorrect(read your morals and thoughts),the restrains a little too tight or light,you can fall from your seat of honour.The beast wont stop!
                  I dont want to taper off.I dont want to be weared down.The last thing i want is to be sitting idle waiting for that plug to be pulled.But the dices arent being fair to me.They are loaded with my preconcieved notions,my traditionalities,my disbeliefs.The future might want to carry me with speed of light,but i am still lagging in boarding the time machine.The first move has to be from my side.I will make the first move.
                 In my kindergarten days,i dreamt of becoming a soldier.A childhood gun fetish made that choice easy i suppose.Guns Became smaller progressively and soon was reduced to a pen.sports caught my imgination for period,but then again the handle of the cricket bat lost its grip to the grip of a fountain pen.Education ruined me.Otherwise i too would have made it to heaven with my brethren at dantewada or kashmir.
                                 What i want to do?The question has bugged me for a eternity.Everyday some self introspection is in order.Have i got myself into a mess by taking engineering as a career choice,a path i knew nothing of and wasnt sure till i got the job what i wanted to do with it?
                             When i look at my future,i see a light beckoning me.Thats the faint outline of man`s silent companion known in our heart as Hope.Several threads of thoughts come to my mind when hope feeds the yarn-ball of positive inspiration.Day in Day out,hope tricks me ,sometimes it vanishes for a luncheon,sometimes it sits with me and babysits me,sometimes it psychiatrist me into oblivion and other times it deserts me and i find myself parched in the desert of my unfullfilled desires.Waxing and Waning,this bullwhip effect of life wants me to unleash my deepest and darkest energy reserves.
                       Several imaginations and creative flashes pay a visit to my grey matter daily but due to dearth of any anchor to harpoon them,the ship sails on in the waters of uncertainity.But After "Viente y Cinco Anos",i think i am given another life term.Its like getting another jail term without parole but atleast in this term i know for what crime i am convicted for! I am slowly geeting hold of my sane screws and tightning them with the seemingly 'Gone For A Burton' ideas and revelations about self.
                  As for my future,i hold only myself responsible and accountable.Though life is a congeries of several actions,emotions and tribulations,its we who are ,in the end, at the end of the stick.It would be classified as a solecism if i blame someone else for the rocking of my boat.Jactitation is a very bad idea,especially for someone like me,so i prefer to oppugn my position as the beholder of my achievements.
                                  The parturient mind languishes in the pain.The ideas spew forth.Defalcating the emotions of others to tend the lacuna of fulminating emotions in self is a fallacy i want to obliterate.The aggression in pursuing the solutions should be sparked from within,though over the years i have learned the art of having a facade that gives nothing away,one would want to have that vent rather than simmering thoughts reducing your demeanour to chips and cracks.
               Several things i want to do in life.Some sane ,some not so sane.I am going against my grain,going against my usual veil of secrecy to reveal those things ,first to myself and also to others.And the pleasure i am getting here is like having being released on an anticipatory bail.I want to scale Everest: well thats like a pinnacle of adventure and has been calling out to me since ages.I want to save a life:Just to please the side hero in me,waiting to be counted.I want to have my family take the world tour with me:Atleast for a year i think!
I want to caress the lions and feed a comodo;i want to let an anaconda slip its grip on me;i want to ride that rhino and tame that elephant;i want to soar with that eagle and want to watch that horizon from the treetops like a lemur:Speaks volumes about my nature and animal love now isnt it!
                                       Gazing with a telescope into the future tells me vivid things,some certain some dicy.Gazing back at the past from the other end of the same telescope gives me flashes and images of my past,both good and bad,but i cant remember it all.So the learning is:: Its only the present you can be certain about as well as can remember,so make the present your dream holiday home.
              "Learn from the mistakes of the past,Gaze and dream about the future,albeit with a clear conscience and steady nurturing of present"

Random Musings...